Rejection

When I sit down  at my desk to start my day and my work, sometimes I am overcome by a drowning feeling of rejection.  But what I am actually experiencing is not  some truth-filled hardship I must bear, but a reminder of an old affront to myself, a previous act of self-rejection.

I had a mental list of grievances against myself as a child and I thought people's temperaments were like eye color-fixed. So if you were lucky, you were a fearless-type person.  Unlucky, you were a frightened-type person (which I thought I was).  I didn't understand the myriad of choices involved in creating one's experience.  And I  didn't understand I had a choice in deciding how I saw myself.

I painted a picture of me I didn't like and then did all I could to outrun it, all the while colluding in its creation.

And so, here I sit at my desk, a new moment before me.    This moment was given me because I deserve it.  Everyone deserves the chance to change their minds about themselves, about their lives; be certain and confident of the essential good that never changes within, understand, accept and cradle the morphing aspect of feelings, thoughts, and behavior.  Neither the person I wanted to be nor the life I wanted to lead could be built upon a foundation of rejection; it must all be built upon love.

There is nothing to outrun, nothing to escape, nothing to reject. The choice is always what to embrace.