Throwing Snowballs

    Lately, I've been paying closer attention to the things I do and say and their impact.  It's been sobering.  Though I do not have a personality, in general, that tends to light fires, like many  - I  have a reactive side.  What I've noticed is: reacting doesn't work in service to what I really want.  Responding does, but responding requires taking a moment to take in what's transpired. 

Here's an example:
My 13 year-old son went out in the snow the other day, while I was in my bedroom exercising.  Soon, he started throwing snowballs at the sliding glass door of my room.  Agitated and jarred, a reactive impulse arose.  But my son tends to push back fast and I didn't want war. As an experiment, I  said nothing and waited.  Things seemed to calm down.  But then he started again, returning to the door, snowball in hand, making a ruckus.

 I took a beat and spoke to him through the sliding door, pointing out that he might damage the glass.  He balked: the snow was too soft.  Then I did something my reactive habit would never have done: I agreed.  There was nothing screwy with his perspective; it made sense.  Then I shared mine - packed together the snow wasn't as soft- and there was a chance it might crack the glass ( keeping my claim moderate, rather than exaggerating and making the situation seem bigger than it was).

All I wanted was peace and for the glass to be left alone. If I told him to stop doing what he was doing, I would be making what he was doing wrong.  And the ego always takes that as attack.  I'd be starting a war.  And there was no need to make him wrong.  Peace came when I acknowledged the truth - not an overblown, reactive version.  Peace came when I made no effort to make myself the RIGHT one.  In this way, I  answered the situation with balance (all perspectives being equal) and there was nothing for him to fight against.  I had let go of being right and so did he.