I Don't Know

I am coming to the conclusion that not knowing is okay.

Previously I've seen not knowing as a problem. If I don't know, I can't go forward.  If I don't know, I will fail.  If I don't know, I am stuck or stupid  (or both).  

But imagine this: I am told I am going to play a game called "Baseball".  I have never heard of this game. The only thing I know is to step out onto the field. Those who do know give me a glove and direct me to stand by a base.  I do so; now I know more.  The ball is pitched, the batter hits it; he runs to first. Now I know more. The ball flies through the air.  Another player runs to catch it.  Now I know more.  If I am fully present, it won't be long before I've recognized the structure of the game.  If I stay in the game - through feedback (internal and external) and observation - I will be given the information I need for my next step.  

Not knowing about baseball is no problem.  "Knowing" is always on its way.

When my oldest son was in elementary school, he resisted homework.  There was yelling and throwing. I didn't know what to do and was constantly trying to come up with solutions.  My striving to know how to "fix" the situation was stressful. My desperation to know was interfering with my knowing. Eventually, I started paying a different kind of attention to what was happening - attention without judgment or resistance - and I started having small insights and gradually things got easier and better.

Not knowing isn't the problem; the knowing is on its way.  I must stand in the middle of it all, pay attention, and the knowing comes.  

Much love,
Jennifer