I watched a fashion program in which a woman, almost constantly mistaken for a man, got a makeover. When I saw her, I assumed her look was desired and intentional. The oversized men's clothing, the way she wore her hair - it all seemed to point to conscious choice and intention. But as it turned out, this wasn't true.
As she spoke about years of feeling misunderstood, not seen for who she really was (including gender and temperament), I realized how skewed my perception was. She wanted to read as female. Yet almost every choice she was making contributed to the misunderstanding, locking her in an experience she didn't want. But she couldn't perceive her choices nor feel her capacity to make new ones. Through her thinking, she felt powerless to have what she wanted. Her mind wasn't free; it was habitually feeding painful patterns of thought about what she could or couldn't be.
It took other people to help her see that what she wanted she could have, if she allowed it. She could be who she was - all of it - with her masculine and feminine qualities - and authentically express herself.
What if we can have what we want but we're simply not seeing the choices before us?
Lots of love,
From the Inside