Big PIcture Seeing
Being upset is a byproduct of standing too close to a subject and fixating on specifics that stimulate more upsetting thoughts. So lately I've stepped back from talking and thinking so hard about particulars to let the big picture emerge.
Recently, my husband and son went out and my son returned drinking a soda. Though we get soda sometimes I felt he'd had too much lately and was angry at my husband for giving in and buying it (specific). My brain raced quoting how many teaspoons of sugar in a can of soda (detail), my son's lack luster teeth brushing sprung to mind (particular), his spotty diet (detail), similar debates with my husband (specific). My mind was spinning around a thread of frustrating, control seeking thoughts.
So I reduced the detailed story down to: Wanting Control and Feeling Frustrated. Then, I realized I don't feel like myself when I am trying to control anyone; I don't actually want to control anyone. I started to see the smallness of the matter against the bigness of wanting to feel like myself. The sacrifice of the big picture for my negative judgment on a detail was too great.
I may have little to no control over a situation but I have control over my focus and whether or not I am in step with my true self. Soda is minor but this awareness applies to everything. Frustration is wrestling with what I cannot control, while ignoring what I can.
The word integrity's derivation is "wholeness". From my integrity I do not judge details and call the whole broken. From a place of my own completeness, who I am loves all of it - the "wrong" and the "right". It loves all of it because it sees the big picture and the big picture is always gorgeous.
3/14/2015 01:50:04 am
Jennifer, what you have hit on here is the secret to that whole messy thing called parenting, and something many of us never come to realize. Kudos to you.
3/14/2015 04:26:26 am
Hi G.Elizabeth - thanks so much for the comment; I appreciate it! ~ Jennifer
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